he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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