im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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