it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
