OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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