You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
