i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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