Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just had sex on a roof
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
