I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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