I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
