I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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