I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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