your room smells of hookers.
And success
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize