I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
