I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
