..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
