we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
