Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
