what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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