you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
