if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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