I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
