Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
