are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
