i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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