I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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