the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
no, he came in my armpit
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
