This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
