when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
