are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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