I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
