I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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