What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
