I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
