thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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