Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
so much tequila, so little girl.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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