I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
