You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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