why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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