My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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