I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
