so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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