My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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