Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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