my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My ass is underappreciated
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.