all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love