She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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