I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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