Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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