STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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