i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
