i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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