Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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