Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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