I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
