Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
