She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you had me at cake vodka
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
