I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
