marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
