i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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