I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
