I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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