What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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