Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
