he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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