He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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