y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
