as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
