I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
