you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
